I Miss You
by VictoriousStarKid
Summary: Quinn and Santana visit Rachel in NY. But Santana's been acting strange lately and Quinn's determined to find out why. Kind of my version of "Naked." Quinntana friendship, Brittana, and a little Faberry. Warning: Mensions of suicide.


**Hey everyone! This is my first Glee fanfic, so bear with me. :)**

**I really love Brittana and I was just thinking about it when this popped into my head.**

**I think we all know that I don't own Glee, or Brittana would still be together.**

**There's also a little Faberry, cuz I ship that, too.**

**WARNING: This mentions attempted suicide.**

**Enjoy!**

~.~.~.~

Quinn stared at her best friend. She's never seen her act like this before. Santana was usually loud, voicing her opinions and throwing insults at everyone who bothered her, which are usually most people. Quinn knew that Santana was just a big softy on the inside, but she'd never think that she would actually _show it. _

But now her she is, watching as her as she smiled at everyone, complimented clothes, and even let Quinn control the radio station as they drove to the train station. She has been acting very strange lately, ever since she heard about Brittany dating Sam. 'I think it seriously damaged her brain,' Quinn thought, 'Never have I ever seen her act this _nice_.' Not that she didn't like Santana acting pleasant towards her, it was just so weird and she wanted her snarky best friend back.

She had shown up at her dorm room in New Haven yesterday, exclaiming that they were going to surprise Rachel for a visit in New York. At first, Quinn was confused. Santana and Rachel have never gotten along, but after studying her friend for a bit, Quinn noticed her stiff shoulders and forced smile. She's heard about Brittany and wants to take her mind off of her, Quinn realizes. Quinn agrees, (and besides, she was dying to see Rachel) and they left for the station in the morning, and now here they were, standing in front of Rachel and Kurt's New York flat.

Santana rapped on the door three times before standing back next to Quinn. They waited a moment before Rachel's confused turned bright smiling face opened the door.

"Quinn! Santana! What are you doing here? Come in, come in!"

"Well, we were hanging out this weekend and decided to come visit you!" Quinn explained.

"Well, this is a pleasant surprise!" As, Rachel gave Quinn a hug, she could feel butterflies flitting around in her stomach, but just passed it off for now. Rachel broke away from her grasp on Quinn and turned to Santana, who hasn't said a thing since she entered the apartment.

"And how are you, Santana?" Rachel asked nervously, still a little intimidated by her.

"I'm good, Rachel. How are you?" Santana asked with a bright smile, but Quinn could tell it was forced.

A shocked Rachel uttered out a quick, "I'm great," before turning to Quinn with a worried glance. "Is she okay," Rachel whispered, "She's never called me by my first name before."

"She's been acting really strange ever since she heard that Brittany is now dating Sam," Quinn whispered back. Rachel nodded knowingly and turned back to Santana and smiled.

"Want me to give you a tour?"

~.~.~.~

It was around 10 pm by the time the trio was back in Rachel's apartment after a tour of NYADA and Rachel's favorite spots in New York. Santana has been quiet the mostly the whole time, only opening her mouth to say something nice, which still baffled Quinn and Rachel.

"Hey guys!" a cheery voice called from in the apartment, "Wasn't expecting to see you!"

Kurt walked up to them with his usual smile on and hugged them both, "How ya' been?"

"We've been good! Yale is hard, but I'm getting there," Quinn replied.

"Lookin' good, Kurt," Santana said. Kurt narrowed his eyes at her before turning to Rachel, "Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Um… sure?" Rachel replied before following Kurt to his bedroom.

"Is Santana okay? She usually calls me Porcelain. And she looks unusually happy," he said skeptically.

"Quinn said that she's been acting weird ever since Brittany's got with Sam. Now we all know that, even though Santana broke up with Britt, she will always have feelings for her. I just guess this was really a shock for her."

"Well, I hope she gets over it. It kinda creeped me out."

"Same. Anyway, they're staying overnight, which means that they get your room because your bed is bigger and they can share. You'll be sleeping on the couch."

"What?" Kurt exclaimed, "I will not be sleeping on the couch! It's not good for my back! Have them sleep on the floor!"

"Two thirds of The Unholy Trinity showed up at our apartment! What was I supposed to do?"

"Ugh, fine, I'll take the couch. But you owe me. But I just might tell Quinn about your little crush on her," he smirked.

Rachel's eyes widened, "You wouldn't dare!"

Kurt just chucked and walked back to where the ex-Cheerios were now situated on the couch, watching TV.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm tired and going to head to bed," Rachel said as she came up behind him.

"S and I will, too, I guess. See you in the morning," Quinn walked over to Rachel and kissed her on the cheek spontaneously, causing Rachel to blush at the contact. "Good night," the blond whispered in her ear, sending shivers down Rachel's spine. Quinn smirked and walked to Kurt's room.

"Good night, Rachel," Santana walked passed her before turning around, "And thanks." Rachel didn't quite know what she was being thanked for but nodded anyway and watched the brunette walk down the hall.

~.~.~.~

Quinn was lying next to her best friend in Kurt's queen sized bed. She knew that San wasn't asleep and thought that this was the perfect opportunity to find out just what was wrong with the Latina.

"S?"

Santana just hummed in response.

"No offence or anything, but you've been acting strangely nice lately, and it starting to worry me. Even Rachel's worried. Are you okay?"

"Ya, I'm fine," came a muffled response due to the Latina's face stuffed in her pillow.

Quinn scoffed, "I know you're not. We've known each other since we were in Kindergarten. I know you, Santana, and you are most certainly not okay."

Santana rolled over on her back. Quinn could tell that the cogs were quickly reeling inside her head, trying to come up with the correct response. After a short while, the Latina sighed and pushed herself up so that she was sitting next to her best friend, her back resting against the headboard. She glanced at Quinn and said so quietly that she almost missed it, "I just miss everything."

Quinn was confused. Ever since they were little, they've been dreaming to get out of Lima. Quinn never thought that she would actually _miss it_. "But… we've always dreamed about getting out of Lima and starting our lives."

"No…," came Santana's response, "I don't miss Lima, I miss everything _about _Lima." She turned so that her body was facing the blonde's. "Senior year was the best year of my life. I miss everything about it. I miss glee club. I miss the New Directions. I miss the Cheerios. I even miss Sue for god's sake!"

Quinn just stared at her friend, now realizing that she missed everything, too.

"Everything in my life is different now," she said sadly, "But you know who I miss the most? Brittany. I miss everything about her. Her laugh, her quirky sayings, and I miss that she's no longer my girlfriend. My whole body is in _pain_ because I miss her so much. I just cannot handle being without her. And that scares me."

The brunette now had tears streaming down her face and Quinn's heart broke. She'd never seen the Latina so broken in her entire life.

"Well, why don't we fix that? Next weekend, you and I can go to Lima together, and you can see everything again and make up with B," Quinn suggested with a small smile.

"No I can't do that! Don't you get it? I only realized I miss everything when I heard that she's dating Sam!" Santana practically shouted.

"You think that makes a difference? That she's dating Sam? She'd dump him a heartbeat if you came back to her."

"No, she won't," the brunette sobbed out, "And I can't go through that again."

Quinn wrapped her arms around the crying girl, and Santana shoved her face into Quinn's shoulder, holding on for dear life. "What do you mean? You can't go through what again?"

"Rejection."

Now Quinn was really confused. She'd never seen or heard of the Latina getting rejected before; boys (and some girls) usually crawled over each other to get to her. "What are you talking about?"

Santana sat up more and whipped her cheeks with the base of her palm, "Back when Britt was dating Artie, I was still coming to terms that I liked girls, let liking alone B. I made a mistake and told her that I was only making out with her because Puck wasn't there. That wasn't true. She was always was, and always will be, my first choice. After singing that stupid song with Ms. Holliday, I finally realized that I was truly and fully in love with Brittany."

Quinn remembered back to that day. She'd seen the raw emotion on both girls' faces as they sang that song. She always knew that there was always something more than friendship between them, and that confirmed the fact. She gestured for Santana to continue on.

"I finally got the courage to tell her I love her, but she… she just was being Brittany. I went up to her at her locker, and gave her this whole speech about why I was really being a bitch all the time. I told her I wanted to be with her. I told her I love her. She told me that she loved me back, but that she couldn't be with me because of Artie. Because she loved him, too." A fresh wave of tears leaked from brown eyes, unable to stop their decent down her face.

Quinn never knew what happed between them, and never pressed the matter. Now that she knew, she felt like a bad friend for not realizing the pain sooner. Quinn was about to say something when Santana continued.

"I went home that night, Q, and I've never felt so hopeless in my life. For hours, I cried in my bed, hugging the pillow that smelled like her. It felt like all the energy and happiness was just drained from my body. I convinced myself that I was worthless, that nobody wanted me. I wanted to die, Q. I can't live without her."

By now, tears were streaming down Quinn's face as well. She never knew of the pain and heartbreak the Latina had been in.

"I… I was this close," she held up her thumb and pointer finger with very little space in between them, "This close to swallowing those pills."

"Oh my god," Quinn sobbed and held her friend closer, afraid that she was going to slip away.

"I wanted to so badly, but I convinced myself again that it would be okay. That she would eventually want to be with me, and so I didn't. But no matter how heartbroken I was, I wasn't angry at her. I could never be angry at her. She is worth living for. She's my light. And so I fell asleep, woke up the next day, and pretended that nothing happened. I never told anyone, not even B."

Quinn was in shock. She had no idea that Santana had even been remotely suicidal.

"It wasn't just the rejection from Brittany. There are a lot of things that always pile up on my shoulders. Like staying skinny, being popular, pleasing my parents, and, you know, coming out of the closet. And I guess that the heartbreak was too much for me. Everything started to overflow, and I couldn't take it. It was okay in the end, though, wasn't it?" she chuckled lightly before turning her face into Quinn's shoulder again. Quinn rubbed circles on the Latina's back; trying to process the information she was just told. Now she knew why Santana didn't want to go back to Lima to see Brittany. She's afraid that she'll get rejected again for Sam, and that the stress will be too much this time. From now on, she promised herself that she would watch her friend more closely. They didn't always see eye to eye, but they still respected each other, and she cared for her friend a lot.

"Why did you break up with B?" Quinn asked quietly when the tears subsided and they slid down into the covers again, with Quinn still holding onto the Latina tightly.

"I was hurting her, Q. Every time I left. I knew it hurt a lot for me, but after that stupid thing Kitty set up, and she showed me just how much she was, I realized I needed to let her go. She needs somebody who can care for her all the time, somebody who can be there when I can't. She deserves to be happy. She deserves better than me. "

"That's not true. You two have been through al lot to get where you are. You deserve _each other_. I don't think that anybody could love her as much as you do, and I think she knows that, too."

Santana sighed and closed her eyes, exhausted from the crying, "Eventually, everything will be okay. I know that. Thanks, Quinn, for listening. You really are one of the best friends I could ever ask for." They smiled at each other before settling into a comfortable silence, until she heard Santana chuckle quietly.

"What?"

"Oh, nothing. Just remembering how bad you've got it bad for Berry."

Quinn's eyes widened and Santana laughed before turning her back to Quinn, "Good night, Q."

Quinn sighed but had a light smile on her face, "Night, S."

Before she fell asleep, however, Quinn made the resolution that she would talk to Britt when she got back to New Haven. She was determined to make everything okay between them. She wasn't going to tell her about Santana's almost suicide, because she believed that when the Latina was ready, she would tell her story. She also wanted to tell Rachel how she felt, but that is another story. It was all a matter of time before everything was back to normal. Or… as normal as Glee can be.

~.~.~.~

**So, uh… ya. Lol. Thanks for reading! I hoped you enjoyed it. I didn't really like the ending, but that's the best I could come up with. :)**

**Prayer circle for more Brittana.**

**Please review! **


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